Tuesday, August 3, 2010


I just realized thatI am disabled. I know this because I am no longer legally able to work for a living. This was my own decision, even though it still seems like some sort of "Catch 22", since I can read and write and drive my car competently. I am writing this to try to understand what options I have, in the business of living. When I filed for Disability Insurance, I really didn't understand the consequences of these actions. My brain does not function properly. I cannot hold a new memory for any length of time, but often, I can summon a memory of the past. I can participate in conversation, as long as the thread remains unbroken. I can generate new threads of narrative, and I can participate until my memory decays with regard to a particular topic. Interestingly, I have created a Blog that has been going on now for almost a year, and many people comment favorably on my blog posts. I have found that the disease has it's own curriculum. It schools me, and I manipulate it (never nearly perfectly!) One might wonder if there is a way to intertwine these intelligences, somehow, through combined perspectives and experiences: perhaps some sort of "group mind." I have recently observed that among some groups and close colleagues, there begins an approximation of this capacity, that, like a marriage or team of close colleagues, where the mere suggestion of a concept quickly unfurls it's flowers, there, quickly ignited and suddenly bursting with light, heat, and potential energy, a new potential bursts onto the scene, only to decay and cool, awaiting the next opportunity. Probably uncontrollable, but possibly susceptible to careful ignition.

1 comment:

  1. Dunno, Chuck. Can you plan spontaneity? Or do we just grab it when it comes, suck it dry, and release it when spent?