Yesterday’s actual, not metaphorical, deluge of truly cataclysmic proportions here in rural Maryland (locally, Glen Arm) provided the ultimate objective correlative for the emotional and “adrenalized” terrain that all of us Alz’s experience from time to time. For some reason, the extraordinarily energetic and chaotic backdrop of a force five mini-burst of hail, falling and flying trees, flooding and just good old, all out mayhem puts one in mind of the way my brain processes the terror, the mania, the fury and the frustration of an all out “why do I have to have Alzheimer’s“ fit.
On the other hand, there is nothing like the fury of nature to put me in my place…I am a small speck, my life is a nano-second, and the only intrinsic value of my life is the gathering in of energy, experience, love and immersion in the now. In a sense, this appreciation for the moment can be an extraordinary gift for the alz sufferer—we know as no others, the peculiar horror, poignancy, and concentrated love that can only be experienced by those who can watch with eyes wide shut as we see god relentlessly perfecting an experience designed to concentrate our feeling, our love, and the certain knowledge that we walk in the valley of the shadow, and allow ourselves to experience the inexorable decline. It’s all good…but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.